I entered Sid’s
house clandestinely hoping his parents wouldn’t wake up. We had been through a
night of heavy drinking at the club. After all, it was the end of our first
year engineering examinations. But we of course celebrated like we had already
become engineers. I had a wonderful time that night.
I’m not sure if I
can say the same with regards to what happened later that night.
As soon as he opened
his door, I dived into the bed, drowsy after my night’s exploits. He settled
for the sofa located beside the bed and smiled at me as he saw me do that.
“Long night huh,” he
said.
“I’m so tired I just
want to sleep,” I murmured as I closed my eyes.
It wasn’t the first
time I had been to Sid’s place, but it was the first time I was staying over.
My friend whose house I had to stay over at hadn’t turned up because she’d
fallen sick, which left me with the only option of going home, (which I didn’t
want to in my inebriated state). So I ended up coming to Sid’s house, which was
a familiar place for me.
“Wake up,” he said
as I slowly opened my eyes.
“I’m not sleepy at
all. Come let’s smoke a cigarette in the balcony,” Sid said pulling me up by my
hands.
As we smoked outside
in his balcony, we reminisced about the last year at university and wished we
could do it all over again. Somehow I wasn’t feeling as tired when I finished
the cigarette. Sid flicked the cigarette in his typical style (with his middle finger)
and we decided to call it a night.
We went inside the
room again and he proceeded to tidy up the bed while I looked at his pictures
stuck on the wall from when he was younger.
“You look so cute in these pictures,” I said as I stared at his wall of fame.
“What happened to
you!” I said dramatically as he let out a faint laugh.
“We’ve known each
other for more than twelve years now,” he said as he now stood behind me.
“Yes, it’s strange,”
I replied.
“And to think now
we’ll be on to separate paths in our careers, it’s kind of sad.”
“I’ll miss you,” he
said.
Just then, I felt
his hands on my waist from behind. I was a little taken aback and tried to move
his hands from my stomach. “Let it be,” he whispered slowly into my ear as he
moved my hair to one side on my shoulder. He held on tight and was so close to
me now, I could feel him breathing on my nape. He started to nuzzle my
hair and kiss the back of my neck. I was taken aback and I asked him in a calm
voice what he was doing. He didn’t seem to hear anything. I tried to break
away, shrugged my shoulders in an attempt to let loose but he was too strong.
He held me by my shoulders and kept kissing the back of my neck.
He then aggressively
pushed me towards the wall in front.
“Ahh it’s hurting
Sid,” I moaned but he didn’t stop as he now started to hump me slowly from
behind. “Why are you doing this,” I said loudly this time. “Sssshh it’s going
to be fine,” he replied as he threw me onto the bed. I lay there face up,
staring at his face for the first time in shock and horror. He quickly unzipped
his pants, threw them on the floor and lunged at me.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE
YOU DOING SID,” I shouted this time.
He put his hands on
my mouth and signalled me to keep quiet. He lay on top of me, and I could feel
his penis rubbing against my stomach through his underwear. Everything
about this was wrong. I didn’t know what was happening in that moment and what Sid
was doing. Moreover, my ability to analyse the situation was hampered by
the fact that I was sloshed. My thought process wasn’t clear and I felt I
wasn’t reacting to the situation like I should have.
I lay there
confused, shocked and appalled all at the same time.
He removed his
underwear and proceeded to lift my skirt slowly. I held his hand as he went up
my thigh and shook my head as if pleading him to stop and not go further.
Again, he didn’t seem to care. I remember wincing the first time he penetrated
it, and then proceeded to do so for the next couple of minutes. I lay there
motionless, not trying to resist in any way whatsoever, staring up at his face
as he continued to pound me harder.
I flinched as he
went in and out but remember feeling this sense of euphoria and intense
pleasure at the same time.
I moaned as I could
feel him inside me. It was intense. This went on for about five minutes, during
which neither he nor I uttered a word. Whenever I moaned a little loudly, he
put his hands on my mouth to keep me shut. The thrusting continued and I felt a
deep sense of pleasure every time he did so.
I found myself
having conflicting emotions; here I was forcefully getting sexually penetrated
by my friend who I trusted blindly at some point but didn’t know whether to
feel ashamed and humiliated or liberated. I say ‘liberated’ because I had never
been sexually pleasured that way and wondered if finding joy or gratification
in that situation would be immoral. Of course you’d say it was immoral and I’m
the wrongest person on this planet right now. I know it but it was something
about him shutting me up and forcing himself upon me that turned me on.
Immensely that too.
I also remember
wanting him not to stop and to go on and on. I closed my eyes and groaned as it
started to hurt all the more now. All of a sudden, I felt a terrible urge to
pee and so tried getting up with my hands.
“I have to pee,” I
said as I tried to get up.
But he firmly
stopped me. The urge to pee was uncontrollable now and I moaned in pleasure
loudly as I released the fluid on the bed as Sid pulled out just in time. I
realised then that I hadn’t pissed but had an orgasm; the first time in my life
I had had one. I could hardly breathe, the lower part of my body convulsed
violently, but at the same time I felt an extreme sense of ‘pleasure pain’. Sid
tried to get in my vagina one more time after the intense orgasm but I crossed
my legs, begging him to stop as tears trickled down my eyes. He forcefully
entered me once again. After a few moments of what seemed like unbearable pain
to me, he came inside me. He moaned, and then arched his back and lay down on
top of me with his arms wrapped around my neck and breathing heavily into my
hair. Neither of us said anything. And just like that, without saying a word,
after a couple of seconds, he stood up and went to the toilet.
I felt embarrassed
and betrayed. I was going through a myriad of emotions, which I wasn’t able to
decipher then. My vagina hurt and I felt exhausted due to the convulsions in my
body. I lay on the bed, and looked at Sid as he came out of the toilet and lay
right next to me. We both looked at each other and then he kissed me good night
and turned the other way.
I spent the night at
his place; the guy who had been my friend for over a decade and the guy who had
just raped me.
We met a couple of
months after the incident at a common friend’s party. None of us said anything
as if the incident never took place. I guess it was all understood. Before
leaving, Sid, visibly drunk again came close to me and whispered in my ear,
“I’m sorry I was on drugs and alcohol that night and I haven’t been able to
forgive myself for what I subjected you to.”
I felt ashamed and
dirty and horrible but I forgave him. We continue to be ‘good friends’ till
date and neither of us has had the courage to spend a night together or bring
up that night.
Author’s Note:
I am aware of how
rape can be a traumatising experience for anyone concerned, but it was
different for me and hence I felt the need to share my story. I cannot say the
rape was a pleasant experience, as I myself didn’t know what to think of it.
But it was the only time I had ever climaxed, and judging by that, it was the
most memorable sexual encounter I ever had.
But, this in no way
is reflective of all girls’ opinions who have been raped. My heart and soul go
out to them. And just to reiterate, I do not wish to find myself in that
situation ever again.
SOURCE: INTERNET
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